Overwhelmed. I Am Gonna Die In Few Days.

Works..Tests. Assignments, facebook.. Games. Smoke.

I do think that I had a pretty good start in my third sem as a pre-law student. I went to class, chat with my friend.. Do my homework.. And recently, I had my facebook, which I heavily involved with for the past few days. I also somehow find myself as an SPR member.

I am trying to be "okay" with everyone.. Even that the fact, I really want to slap their butt with my broken termos.. Am I turning hypocrite?

I enjoy fooling around with my friends through facebook. But, just for few days. Then I started to feel bored again. Feel like I have an incomplete job that have to be done, and at the same time feel like I have nothing left in here. And at this point, I realize that I should write something in my blog.

I have this strange feeling~that I am gonna die soon.

I know it is stupid, very stupid actually. But I just can let this feeling go away like a blow of fart from fat butt. I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by everything around me.

I used to pray every night before I sleep. I pray for my mum, my dad, my siblings.. And to ALL my friends without considering their color and religion. I also pray for the dead, and for everyone. I mean, everyone in this world. Including my greatest enemy (if I had any). I said this during my pray, "God, bless us with your kindness. Help us in everything, even in the smallest thing we are working in. Give us the strength, so we can always have the opportunity to complete the incomplete job."

But recently, I am no longer praying for the same. I just make the cross sign, and without saying a word, I close my eyes. Speechless.

Yesterday I went out to CS, and I saw a shop that sells many types of decorations for Christmas. I am considering to buy a small Christmas tree for my self, with a Christmas card too. But then I rejected the idea. I don't want to be looked like someone desperate. I mean, buying gift for myself? How sucks could it be.

Last night I cried. Loudly, screaming. But just in my heart, coz I have this some kind of reputation here.. Like someone who are very strong. Someone who will never cry in his life. Someone who can be trusted for everything. And most of my friends will told me something that they would never told to someone else. Their secrets.. Their weakness. Their problem.

And now I am too tired of everything. I can't even help myself..

And here comes the worst part.

Some girls really interested in knowing me. I mean.. Never mind. I'll keep this for myself. But still, this is the worst part.

Mum, I miss you.. I really wish that you can hear me saying this to you. I wanna drive you to the church where you and dad used to bring us to pray when we are still living under the same roof. I want to take you there, and celebrate Christmas together. I really want to, and I am willing to kill for that. But I just can't.. I can't. Sorry.. My mistakes, this is the worst part. Not the previous problem up there. This is the worst-est.

Merry Christmas to everyone.. may God bless all of us.