The Young Snowman

I supposed to sleep now.. But I can't. I just can't.

Hours from now, the Muslims will start to fast. And I will be the person with a-must be-accomplished mission; for some of them who don't fast. My years of experience in being together with Muslim friends told me that. Guess you know what.

Well, maybe someone will noticed that I've changed my blog's background. Pretty conspicuous actually; from dark red+black into this bright blue of snowman's happy face. And I also deleted my other blog; which is most of the content is about wanie, my past, the things that I regret, bla bla bla..

And why is that?

I thought for quite a long time. I told myself, "it's time for you to move on. Forget your past; if you failed in the past, you still have the future to be successful. But you'll never success if you keep regretting your past. You'll never do". Quite cool, huh?

For some moment, I think that I've managed to do that. I'm happy with my life now.. I really do. I have a lot of friends.. And the most important is, I have her. The only thing I've lost is the feeling of being stabbed right in the center of my heart, everytime I recall my past memories, or heard the name; wanie. Either of them is killing me, cruelly.

I can't sleep now. I just can't. I'm really tired, my right hand is still not heal perfectly. Plus, unexplainable headache. I fell asleep for minutes, and I dream of wanie. I saw her sitting on a piece of wood, under a big tree. I mean, a very big tree. She wear this black long sleeve t-shirt, which we bought together during I visit their family; Valentine's Day, I think. And moments later, there is a guy come to her, hold her hands and took her away. I can't see her again. I don't know where this feeling come from, but I knew that I'll never see her again.

I opened my eyes, I gasped for air. Then took Haziq's laptop and started to search for her blog. I found it, and read it. One of the thing she said in her previous post is; " I can't wait to go back home. I missed my family, and I want to have my own family too".

Tears come off from my eyes, as I've expected. And at the same time, I smiled. The word for this is~ the snowman. The snowman will always smile, but he is cold. Inside him as cold as his surface; or maybe even colder.

I'm happy for you, wanie. And I'll smile for you.

I know you'll read this blog later.. And if you do, I just want you to know. I'm very happy with my life now. I have a girlfriend, the one that I will love forever. And want you to be happy too. Forgive me for all the thing I've done before.

To Jesus I pray, please give me the strength to keep fighting.

And to you, I'm sorry.. Sorry for not waking you up for this. I just want you to get enough sleep, and I love you so much. Really, I love you.

The snowman~always smile but deep inside him, he is cold and alone.

But, snowman won't last forever.. He will wait for the summer, and the sun will melt him down. He smiled for the sun.

My summer has come.